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DIDGE - The View From Down Under

An Aussie’s ridgy-didge view of world affairs and popular culture.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Imagine Andrew Bolt. Now imagine Andrew Bolt riding a giraffe.

I couldn’t be bothered writing about something important, so lazily I present this: the TVGasm Snark-O-Tron 8300. You type in a name of a person, and it spits out randomly generated insults. Sometimes it’s funny because it’s genuinely funny. But most of the time it’s funny because it’s not. I found TVGasm by way of Seb. Check out his most funny (and sometimes touching if it has anything to do with his piano teacher) blog.

Let the funny begin:

FYI: All the homeless people have been quietly fantasizing that Andrew Bolt and Hugh Jackman are lovers.

Is it true that Andrew Bolt and Andrew Bolt started a fan club for a gorilla?

Imagine Andrew Bolt. Now imagine Andrew Bolt going on a fishing trip with Santa Claus.

One of these days I'd like to see Oliver from The OC and Andrew Bolt open a French Bistro together.

If Andrew Bolt and Jeff Probst from Survivor had a conversation, it would probably go like this:
Andrew Bolt: Hey Jeff Probst.
Jeff Probst: Yeah?
Andrew Bolt: Do you mind if I bash in your eye?
Jeff Probst: Please don't.


* * *

The Queen is like Mike Tyson at a gay pride parade: Do I really need to say anything else?

I'd like The Queen to spend less time getting high and more time playing with humans.

I would love to see an episode of some show where The Queen discovers that her real mother is Andrew Bolt.

Why are people denying that Marissa Tomei and The Queen had sex in a dumpster?

FYI: I've been distributing leaflets which say The Queen sucks.

The Queen is so devoid of personality, I want to slap her ass.

Imagine The Queen. Now imagine The Queen wearing a duck.

I would love to see an episode of some show where The Queen sets fire to Andrew Bolt.

I have a great idea. Let's punch The Queen. Afterwards, we can tell people that she was gay.

Imagine The Queen. Now imagine The Queen eating Dame Judi Dench.

* * *

If George W. Bush and Clay from Survivor had a conversation, it would probably go like this:
George W. Bush: Hey Clay.
Clay: Yeah?
George W. Bush: Do you have any battery acid I can play with?
Clay: No.


I'd like George W. Bush to spend less time throwing anvils at humans and more time dreaming about Trishelle from The Real World.

I have a great idea. Connie Chung should dump scalding oil on George W. Bush. It's really more thought provoking than funny.

I'd like George W. Bush to spend less time getting high and more time getting high.

The worst thing about Donald Rumsfeld is that he has a mild penchant for selling crack to children.

* * *

Should I tell people that Joan Rivers and the guys from sadlyno.com had sex in Bea Arthur's bathroom?

I think I'd be really aroused, and I mean that sexually, if a giant bird fell from the sky and landed on the guys from sadlyno.com.

I'd like the guys from sadlyno.com to spend less time dreaming about humans and more time beating up Tony Danza.

Wouldn't it be excellent if the guys from sadlyno.com just died?

I would love to see an episode of some show where the guys from sadlyno.com crap on the guys from sadlyno.com.

The best thing about the guys from sadlyno.com is that they have an amazing talent for throwing acid at Tony Danza.

FYI: I've been hearing around town that the guys from sadlyno.com suck.

Favourite moment of the year? That time when the guys from sadlyno.com flashed their boob at the Olympics.

I would love to see an episode of some show where the guys from sadlyno.com discover that their real mother is the guys from sadlyno.com.

Wouldn't it be amazing if George W. Bush and the guys from sadlyno.com had a three-way with The Queen?

One of these days I'd like to see Kim Bauer from 24 and the guys from sadlyno.com share a bubble bath and discuss lupus.

Wouldn't it be awesome if the guys from sadlyno.com were caught having sex with George W. Bush?


* * *

I would love to see an episode of some show where that guy from didge says ''It's official. I look like Kirstie Alley'' and then cry in the arms of the guys from sadlyno.com.

If I were stuck on a desert island with that guy from didge, I would kill myself with a knife.

I have a great idea. Let's throw acid at that guy from didge.

If that guy from didge and the guys from sadlyno.com had a conversation, it would probably go like this:
that guy from didge: Hey the guys from sadlyno.com.
the guys from sadlyno.com: Yeah?
that guy from didge: I find you very attractive.


I think I'd be really pleased, nay, overjoyed if that guy from didge put on some assless chaps, jumped onto Gorbechev, and yelled ''Take me to Compton. Momma's gotta get some crack!''.

Say what you will, but I've been secretly selling t-shirts which say that that guy from didge sucks.

I would love to see an episode of some show where that guy from didge discusses his pathetic existence with Andrew Bolt.

I would love to see an episode of some show where that guy from didge discovers that his father is Andrew Bolt.


Yikes! I think we shall leave it there.

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