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DIDGE - The View From Down Under

An Aussie’s ridgy-didge view of world affairs and popular culture.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

GOTTA HATE IT

Channel Seven’s new Station ID’s are, to be polite, absolutely disgusting. How disgusting you ask? Just imagine a balding, hairy man having sex with a midget dressed up as a television set. Ok, well the sex with TV is only implied, but when dealing with people having intercourse with inanimate objects, well the implication is enough to send your dinner heaving out of your stomach.

First, for the uninitiated, Station IDs are used by television channels to give each network an identity. In Australia Channel Nine usually has its on air celebrities dancing about like fools to last summers party anthem (it took the mainstream a whole year to catch up), or their simple fly through the Nine logo in different funky colours. Or take Channel Ten’s button-pressing madness. Even hark back to the ABC’s black and white landmark as various people tried and always failed to trace the ABC logo with their finger. Or dare I mention the greatest five minutes in television ever crafted as a little girl rode about the world on her tricycle, informing us that indeed our world is an amazing place (thank you, SBS). Yes, Station IDs define the network perfectly.

It’s no secret Seven has had a pretty dismal run since losing the AFL broadcast rights, with the past two years being particularly bad. And with each New Year the Seven publicists tell us this year is their year. After a spate of horrible Christmas Station IDs (Seven “celebrities” (like that irritating twerp from Deal or No Deal) butchering Christmas songs) we came to their new motto: GOTTALOVEIT. These Station IDs feature several people cavorting with a dwarf dressed as a television with the Seven logo on it. It’s meant to get people excited about Seven’s coming attractions but it repulses me every single time I see it.

The worst offender features said balding hairy guy in a series of vignettes while on, um, a date with the, um, television set. They ride horses along the beach, passionately embrace as waves lap at their bodies, and seductively devour grapes by a fire. Then, after all this we are tormented by a shot of a bed passionately convulsing. Our imaginations wander… oh my freakin’ god, he’s fucking the telly! But alas, the camera pans up and they are only jumping on the bed amidst a pillow fight. But the implication is enough to send viewers away in droves. (Though not like that many people watch Seven in the first place). These Station IDs rank as Seven’s worst, and I haven’t even mentioned the one with the rabbits bonking. Seven is Still the One to mess things up. Seriously.

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